Rosemary pesto bread

1 Jul

O. M. F. G. Could it be any hotter? I’ve done like six big washes in two days because everything dries within half an hour. It’s amazing. Apart from the fact I got so badly sunburnt on Tuesday. Urgh, idiot.

And that’s before it got baaaaaad.

I’ve had a really cool few days, hanging out on the set of the TV show my friend works on, over here from the States. I basically got in everyone’s way and got filmed putting a burger right in my face.

Later a load of Americans put me in a phone booth and made me shout “Hello guv’nor” at them. I’d love to say it wasn’t awesome, but that would be a filthy lie.

Anyway. I’ve been off carbs for ages and then went mental, drinking loads of Camden Pale Ale and genuinely put on four pounds in a day, so tonight I thought fuck it, got really drunk on belinis and made my take on Strada’s rosemary pesto bread.

(It looked much better before I accidentally flipped it over on itself.)

This is really simple and just uses my pizza dough. Before you make this, chop the top of a head of garlic, rub a little bit of olive oil in, wrap in tinfoil and stick in a medium oven for half an hour to 45 minutes.

It’ll end up just squeezing out of the skin and be incredibly buttery.

Roll out the pizza dough very thin, pop on some lightly floured tin foil and pop in the oven on the highest heat  until it’s browned slightly. You might need to give any bubbles a poke with a fork.

Spread over as much garlic as you fancy, but remember after being roasted it will be seriously mellow. Add a bit of passata or pizza sauce, a good few dollops of pesto, and some dried or fresh rosemary, and a pinch of oregano and thyme. Slap some mozzarella on top and stick back in the oven for about 10/12 minutes.

Stick Archer on, drink more and realise that you’ve eaten a starter for four to yourself.


4 May


Flapjacks: nature’s way of telling you you’re too healthy. These are incredibly simple and make you popular at work because lets be honest, you can’t get by on your personality alone.

You need:

  • 300g of porridge oats
  • 300g (seriously, I know…) golden syrup
  • 300g unsalted butter
  • 150g light brown sugar
  • 100g rasins

In a pan melt the sugar, butter and golden syrup together over a low heat. Mix together with the oats and the rasins until everything is coated and nice and caramely.

Line a deep tin with greaseproof paper, pour in the mix (level it out a bit) and bung in the middle of the oven at 180°c/gas mark 4 for around 20 minutes, or until the top is nice and golden. It’ll seem quite liquid when it first comes out, but never fear. Leave to cool for about 15, 20-ish minutes and then cut into chunks before it firms up too much.

You’re done, go and purchase people’s love with them.


Sort of Jambalaya

2 May

I love spice, I love carbs, and I love comfort food. And this is all three.

While I don’t need comforting, as for once I’m feeling quite bouncy, like a drunk Labrador, I had a massive brain fail trying to work out what to cook tonight so I decided to give this a crack. Though it serves four so…

Ignore this photo and read the list of ingredients as this isn’t all of them (sue me) but it looked nice so ¯\_()_/¯ 

The wine is for you to drink. 

  • Two chicken breasts
  • A mug and a half of Arborio (risotto) rice 
  • Two cloves of garlic, finely chopped
  • A white onion, roughly chopped into half rounds
  • A red chilli, finely chopped 
  • Around two inches of chorizo 
  • A tin of chopped tomatoes 
  • One to two tablespoons of smoked paprika 
  • One to two tablespoons of cayenne pepper
  • A couple of chicken stock cubes 

In a large pan or a wok gently sweat the garlic, chilli (seeds in) and onions over a low heat in a littl bit of vegetable oil. (How many times do I have to tell you people not to fry in olive oil?!)

Roughly chop the chorizo into chunks. I’m not really the biggest fan of the stuff, but the depth of flavour it adds is *does cheffy kissing of fingers*, so I take the skin off and cut it into very small chunks. Add this to the pan with the chicken, also cut into chunks. 

Boil the kettle and dissolve your stock into around two and a half mugs of water.

Chuck in your rice and mix it up so all the oil from the pan and the chorizo coats it and pour in some of your stock. Throw in the paprika and the cayenne – use more or less depending how spicy you like things. Once the rice has soaked up all the stock add another bit, and repeat until your stock is all gone. Tip in your tin of tomatoes and let it simmer for a bit.

It’s cooked once all the liquid has been soaked up and the rice is soft. It shouldn’t be too sloppy but don’t worry if you need to chuck in a bit more boiling water – it’s really forgiving. 

Eat in your pyjamas in front of Made In Chelsea with a bottle of wine and remember that time Spencer’s girlfriend shoved past you really rudely when you had a bad back. Or serve up to three other people. Whatever. 

Sweet Potato Fries

13 Feb

If you’re trying to eat a bit healthier – which I halfheartedly am – sweet potato is a brilliant substitute for actual spuds. It’s terribly good for you and very tasty. It also fills you up for absolutely ages.

To make these, chop your sweet potato into fries, a little bit thicker than a *dreamy stare* McDonalds chip. One potato per person makes a very decent portion.

Heat the oven to 200°c/gas mark 6 and line a baking tray with tin foil. Pour a tiny bit of vegetable oil over the sweet potato and toss everything with your hands until all the fries have a light coating.

Spread them out on the baking tray and sprinkle over some chilli flakes, dried rosemary, dried thyme, and a bit of black pepper.

Pop in the middle of the oven for half an hour until soft. They won’t get crispy but I think I actually prefer them from normal chips. I don’t know who I am any more.

Serve with salt and light mayo or some crème fraîche mixed with a dash of Sriracha.

Nigella’s Halloumi Bites

11 Feb

These are from Nigella Express and have been my go-to snack/dinner party finger food for years. Ever since I first made this my mum won’t eat halloumi any other way. It’s quick, simple and looks really impressive when dumped in front of people.

Simply slice some halloumi and dry fry in a medium pan until it’s golden on either side.

Toss in some finely chopped parsley with a good scrunch of black pepper, a squeeze of fresh lime and a good slug of garlic oil.

Garlic Roast Chicken

9 Feb

Garlic Roast Chicken

Another roast chicken post. I’m sorry. But this was so tasty and looked pretty, and you all liked it on Instagram so really you did this to yourselves.

This is how simple it is:

  • Butter – lots. Maybe four tablespoons
  • Garlic – lots. Four or five cloves
  • Small white onion
  • Sea salt

Mince or grate the garlic into the butter and mash it all together so it’s evenly distributed. Rub all over your chicken and if you’re being brave shove a load under the skin. Cut the onion in half and pop it in the chicken’s bum. Sorry. Sprinkle salt over the buttery skin.

Garlic Roast Chicken

Pop in the oven at about 190°c/gas mark 5 for around an hour and 40 minutes, but this will depend on the weight of your bird. Leave it to rest under some tin foil for about ten, fifteen minutes and then serve up, making sure you get most of that amazingly crispy skin.

Here is a strange drawing I did of an angry chicken. It’s probably angry because you’re eating it. You monster.


Rum cocktails

6 Feb

These are one of my favourite cocktails. I had them for the first time the summer before last at the Rooftop Film Club and I finally managed to get round to making them at Christmas, after craving them desperately.

Muddle some mint leaves in the bottom of a glass with a good squeeze of fresh lime, add ice and a generous measure of rum. Pour in pineapple juice, leaving an inch of space in the glass. Top up with ginger beer, and a dash of Angostura bitters.

Give it a stir, have a drink, shut your eyes and pretend you’re lying on a white sandy beach. Or sitting on top of a carpark in Ealing.

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