Duggers Does Dubrovnik: Kinder Eggs

30 May

HELLO. I’ve just written an entire blog in my email, saved it to drafts and when I looked it wasn’t there. I’m incredibly cross. It was obviously hilarious and would have got me a book deal, too. It went a bit like the following.

I should be blogging about being in Dubrovnik, the Old Town, the restaurant we had dinner in last night, spending days on the beach, how utterly beautiful it is. I mean, look:

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But I CAN’T. Because the most awful thing happened last night and it has just knocked me for six. And that awful thing was a Kinder Egg.

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I bought it for the funny, foreign packaging after the Chap and I got pleasantly pissed in town and realised the bar would be shut when we got back to the hotel. This meant a dash to the shop to pick up the essentials. £2 screw-top plastic bottles of beer are now an essential in my life. And crisps because duh. The chocolate was gross – even though it all got eaten – so I wouldn’t bother with that if you come here.

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We were so excited by the Kinder Eggs that we opened them before the beer which was a mistake because OMG WTF IS THIS?! Maybe the egg is split in two and packaged separately, right? WRONG.

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What is happening? It was some sort of solid cream goop with two poor man’s Ferrero Rocher just stuck in it. I tried it so you never, ever have to.

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Inside the crappy FRs is some sort of chocolate cream thing. It didn’t even taste like a Kinder Bueno. What is this? The third world?

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The Chap was not impressed by the toys either.

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This morning we had to sit here for a few hours just to calm down. Seriously, you guys don’t know how lucky you are not to be here and have gone through this.

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But if you want to feel a similar kind of trauma here is me in a bikini eating an ice cream.

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2 Responses to “Duggers Does Dubrovnik: Kinder Eggs”

  1. mattdupuy May 30, 2013 at 8:59 pm #

    I’ve been to Dubrovnik. Me and H went there last year, after having accidentally survived through the Republika Srpska on our way to Sarajevo*. We did not try the local variations on Kinder eggs while there, which was evidently just as well. I recall that we did find the place completely gummed up with gawping tourists, though, all of whom seemed to be of pensionable age. They probably thought the same of us, although I hope not the bit about being pensioners.

    I thought of you today, as I started reading John le Carre’s ‘Smiley’s People’, the sequel to ‘Tinker Tailor…’ I am about 40-odd pages in and it’s already brilliant. A spy has been murdered (obviously) and various shadowy types are already involved. A piece of paper is conspicuous by its absence. Soviets are throwing their weight around and murdering Russian women in Paris. I am transfixed and cannot wait to open it again on my bus trip into work in the morning.

    I am resolutely untraumatised, despite your warnings.

    * Note to everyone: Do not do this, under any circumstances. The Republika Srpska is the bumhole of the world and the only place that I have ever been warned definitely not to go to by someone who has been there, and also the only place I have ever felt concerned for my safety from the locals. We only did it by accident because our satnav didn’t cover the Balkans and stopped working as soon as we crossed the Slovenian border. The rest of Bosnia is great, though, if still a bit edgy and shot-up in places. You may have to give it a miss if you are thinking of driving around the Balkans, however, as your hire-car insurance may not cover it. Ours didn’t, although we only found that out when we got back to Italy. So it was a good job we didn’t hit anything. Our car was also almost seized by Srpska customs on the way into the region, too. They have a habit of doing that with hire cars driven by foolish lost tourists, apparently. Thinking back on it, I’m astonished we managed to make it out alive.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. New Year Pancakes | sarahduggers - January 5, 2014

    […] ate so many burgers, wings and ribs that none of my jeans fit any more, stumbled across Kinder’s hell on earth, was in ASOS Magazine making this face, and, worst of all, now have to wait all year to eat another […]

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