Greetings from España

20 May

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Here I am! In Spain! Sorry, Thpain. It’s not hugely hot, or sunny, but it’s Spain so it’s still better than home at the moment. Also I’m doing this off my phone so you’ll have to excuse any mistakes. AS YOU SHOULD ANYWAY. God.

I’m in Torrevieja, which is in or near Alicante or something. It’s not the prettiest town but they export a lot of salt. I don’t know why I said ‘but’ like that makes up for it somehow.

I’m here visiting my father and enormous (anything over two members for me) step family. Papa Douglas and my stepmother have built a villa overlooking one of the weird, pink salt… lakes? flats? whatever they’re called. There are the most wonderful views of these huge white pyramids of salt. I feel like I’m in a Ballard novel.
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I’m tapping this out while sitting up on the roof, drying my crap hair and listening to the seagulls. They’re noisy buggers. Today we’re driving to Cartagena, a port town apparently. Lots of the navy are moored there I think. Which means I now have the Village People stuck in my head.

Yesterday we had a massive barbecue with the family: my two stepbrothers, their wives (two, we’re in Spain, not Saudi) and all the children. The children seem to quite like me which is odd as usually, like dogs and horses, they can smell fear.

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My brother Daniel, my stepmother Mely and my sister-in-law Philly are fabulous cooks so the diet has gone down the pan. I’m going to try and get the recipe for Daniel’s amazing slow roast spiced pork and Philly’s key lime pie because that’s all you lot are really after anyway. I helped make the coleslaw so now I’m basically Jamie Oliver.

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I also managed to get over my aversion to alcohol and dairy and knocked back a knock-off Bailey’s. I’VE MANAGED TO FIND A GLASS TO MATCH MY GIANT HANDS! This is big news, people. Big news.
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I probably should have checked the weather before packing as all I seem to have with me is shorts. I never wear shorts but I’ve got them coming out of my ears over here. Those and my new jazzy holiday trousers, getting a test run before my next jaunt to a far flung foreign land. You can see I’ve caught the sun, as per.
20130520-103139 AM.jpgI will let you know if I decide to swap The Chap for a sailor. If someone could then pass the message on to him that would be great.

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